In my experience as a teacher, I’ve seen a pattern that breaks my heart every time. Students who are doing brilliantly in lessons sometimes reach out to me, worried that others in the class seem more advanced than they are. What’s ironic—and heart breaking—is that those very students they’re comparing themselves to often feel the same way! The sad result? Some of these students eventually stop coming to lessons, convinced they’re not as good as their classmates. In reality, they were doing just fine—more than fine, in fact! But this feeling of inadequacy creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: they stop attending, their progress stalls, and they genuinely do fall behind the others who simply stayed the course.
Comparison can be a powerful motivator when handled correctly, but when we compare ourselves to others in a way that erodes our confidence, it becomes the kiss of death to progress. The best thing we can do is focus on our own journey. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare where you are now to where you were a few months ago. Recognise and celebrate your own progress, no matter how small it may seem.
Celebrate Success: Yours and Others’
Comparison to others can be one of the most soul-destroying activities we indulge in. Instead, let’s learn to celebrate success: that of others and, most importantly, our own. And I mean every success, no matter how small or insignificant it might appear to us at first.
Did you finally pronounce that tricky French word correctly? Celebrate it! Did you understand a full sentence without needing to translate it in your head? Fantastic! These milestones matter. They’re evidence of your progress—your unique, personal progress.
When you see a classmate excelling in one area, instead of comparing yourself and feeling inferior, look at it as a source of inspiration. Learn from them, celebrate their achievement, and then look back at your own journey. You’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come.
A Personal Lesson
Let me share a little story about myself. I spent my childhood and much of my adult life feeling talentless. I was surrounded by incredibly gifted friends who each had remarkable talents. One played hockey for England’s under-18s team, another was the lead cellist in a national youth orchestra, and a third was a brilliant artist and singer. Meanwhile, I felt like I was waiting to stumble upon my own undiscovered gift—something extraordinary and special.
For decades, I compared myself to these beautiful, talented ladies and felt utterly inferior. I saw their talents as a spotlight on my perceived inadequacies. What a waste of time and energy that was!
It wasn’t until later in life, during a conversation with one of these same friends, that something clicked. She said to me, “But you can speak two languages. How utterly incredible is that?” Hearing it through her eyes was a revelation. To me, my ability to speak two languages seemed so ordinary. But to her, it was a superpower.
That was the moment the penny dropped. I realised I had been discounting my own gifts because I had been so busy comparing myself to others. Now, as a wiser middle-aged woman, I see my special talent for what it is: helping others learn and speak a new language to the best of their ability. More importantly, I’ve made it my mission to help my students avoid the same soul-destroying trap of comparison that I fell into.
The Danger Of Self-fulfillng Prophecies
Remember: the moment you start telling yourself you’re not good enough, you risk creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you’re falling behind, you might stop showing up for lessons or stop practising. That’s when you genuinely fall behind. The truth is, the only person you need to measure yourself against is who you were yesterday.
A Final Word
So let’s put comparison in its place. It’s not your friend. Instead of wasting energy comparing yourself to others, channel that energy into your own growth. Recognise your achievements, celebrate your wins, and stay on your own unique path. Progress isn’t a race; it’s a journey. And every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating.
You are so right Frannie. We need to reflect on how far we have come since the start of our journey and use others for support rather than comparison.
Yes! Support is so important, isn’t it!
This is so true very true. When I started my French learning journey I compared myself to others in my class. I was convinced I was the worst in the class so stopped going. I now realise that I actually wasn’t the worst, but was just at a different stage in my learning. Thank goodness I now have amazing people supporting me in my learning journey.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Madeline! You are right, we are all at a different stage in our learning journey and some of us take different paths along the way! Supporting others and having support ourselves can make all the difference!
Wise words. Having compared myself to my class mates and felt below scratch, and gave up, today i went back to class! I just went with what I knew but for me preparation is key. I have spent a few hours this morning publishing my own verb conjugation sheets adapted to how I learn. This paid off hugely because i realised how often I use all the tenses when I speak and now can easily spot which tense I am using when writing or reading. I was way more confident in class and will be back next week.
Dyslexia is a confidence buster but today I controlled it, it didn’t control me.
Bravo, Gilly ! I’m so proud of you – you aced it today!
I’m going to read this post every day for the next week to rewire my brain! I always worry that when someone is joined with me in a room, they will think, oh, no, not her. I’m going to not only practice French, but also practice my confidence.
Aw, don’t ever think this! It’s a joy to talk to you in French! Courage, ma chère Mary !
I try not to compare. I have noticed that more and more sentences are understood without translation even though I would use a different word that means the same thing. Hope that makes sense. I guess that is instant translation!
A great way of expanding your “vocab bank”, Linda! Bravo!
I love this blog, Frannie, thank you for sharing it with us, I think everyone probably subconsciously compares themselves to others, but I think it can be very healthy when comparisons inspire you to try to reach higher levels in whatever you want to achieve !
Je t’en prie, Sue ! I agree, it’s great be inspired by others rather than discouraged!